Taste “Dear Pattaya”

Here are some extracts from “Dear Pattaya” to be published soon. It’s a funny, serious novel about Pattaya punters and the extraordinary city Pattaya which entertains and destroys so many of its punters. Franz, an Austrian, asks Jon, a writer, to keep him posted about Pattaya and to whet his appetite for Pattaya’s monstrous nightlife while he, Franz, passes long, snowy months in icy Austria, running his family business.

Dear Jon,

I cannot tell you how much I’m enjoying your crazy stories happening in Pattaya! I really should go over right now! The weather here is really bad, heavy raining all the time and no sun. I’m working hard to get the cash-register thing working. Before I thought my business would pay the 8.000 euros but I have the fear I have from my pocket. The difficult situation with my father seems getting better. The psychological problem he has is that of judging other people on himself, how hard they work. He used to work 80 to 90 hours a week throughout the year…decades. Now he is facing retirement. I worked as an employee even though at home but now I am taking over his position. Additional, he seems to have problems getting tense but these seem to be vanishing due to the de-escalating skill. My mother is the only one who helps him and who he is not in competition with.


Dear Franz,

A quick email and a quick thought : Maybe the good Thai doctors were stringing out your illness to get the big bucks and changing the labels and diagnosing your dire problems too direly…but there again maybe not…because your symptoms were definitely there including unwanted discharges (and unwanted high charges!). As for paranoia and imagining things, yep, Pattaya does that to its partiers. And you’re no exception!

On that depressing note, I’ll finish and start preparing for a party tonight!

Your mad, deluded friend,



Dear Franz,

As you know I’m an antique farang out here but I know I have to find similar tales to yours to feed you through the long, cold, winter months over there in alpine Austria. I will be contacting a version of yourself who will no doubt have stories similar to yours which will have you rushing to the air-ticket sites, to your visa card, and to your calendar. In other words, I intend to get you back here soon via my virile friend whose name is Terry (The King).


Dear Jon,

In the meanwhile I’ve dated two other ladies from the dating site. One is a teacher, very alternative, left-wing pot smoking. No need to mention she is not the slimmest, to put it friendly. Her profession before she studied and finished with a master’s degree was midwife. Can you imagine? She participated in the birth of 1200 children.  She is 42, likes travelling and climbing on mountains. She was in Nepal just before and her next trip will be Mongolia. One time I’ve invited her in a bar for a drink, the other time I invited her to a Thai restaurant in which the waitress had no idea of “brik nam pla”. Some difficulties occurred when we talked about having children, so she understands we will not stick together all life long. She wants to buy some new doors for her apartment, my brother of course is selling them. So I offered her to come to her and have a look at the planned project, till now no answer. Anyway, I’m not a lazy guy. I’ve met another lady, too. She is 35, an engineer with a university degree, compare-able to a PhD. I had to drive 75 minutes to meet her in St. Pölten located between Linz and Vienna. I invited her for a few drinks; it was an interesting talk. At the end I brought her to her car, it was dark, cold and raining. When I left her I had the impression she had some expectations, maybe she wanted a kiss or something like that. But as you know from my holiday, I am not easy to get. I estimate her earnings about 45,000 to 50,000 a year. Jon, do I really have to tell you that she is not the slimmest?! The other lady, Brigitte, who I am visiting on a regular basis, is really great. I mean she is cooking for me, she offers me beer, opens the bottle and fills the glass. And from a sexual point of view she really does her best. So that’s it from Austria.

Your friend,


Hey! You’ve hardly sent any stories about your son and his friend!

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