Retox Christmas Lunch

By now I am well aware that whenever I write anything about Pattaya, there’s always a resident out there ready to tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about (writing about). Though somewhat crestfallen it still doesn’t stop me writing posts about Pattaya. I don’t pose, that is I hope I don’t pose, as an expert and of course I’m the first to be happy that there are so many well-informed punters out there ready to put me right.


all that glitters…

I had Christmas dinner in Retox, Soi Lengkee. I was with a financially compromised friend and that’s why we decided on Retox and not, let’s say, on Cherry’s. There was a sign up that breakfasts stopped at 11.30 to make way for Christmas lunches, first sitting noon. Me and friend turned up around noon. The staff were nervous, hassled, and rude. Breakfasts still seemed to be being served but were thereafter stopped. Christmas lunch was not served but that was no problem. We tucked into beer and cider. Time passed and the staff could be seen arguing with a manager. No food arrived. Some customers were sitting around, getting, I think, Thai food, and we contented ourselves with what was on offer. One or two good-looking Thai girls, a nice family, a mix with the usual attractive people, one or two hung-over young guys, caught our attention. My friend talked incessantly – one of his habits. I listened to him not incessantly – one of my habits when sharing his company. He’s a good guy apart from his eye which was full of conjunctivitis. He’s suffering in a love triangle (says he isn’t) and his eye shows his suffering.

More time passed, and I said I was a wee bit hungry. More time passed. I asked one of the less nervous waitresses if I could have a bite. I think after an hour (and a half?) some soup arrived. The big dinner followed but what a disappointment. The vegetables were really cold. In fact, everything was really cold. Tasteless, too. The Christmas pudding was OK but the mince pie was shrivelled and geriatric. Certainly a dinner not worth the price. Yes, I know 750 baht is not even 20 quid and just over the ‘quiv number of euros (21?)…but…but…

Now, I’m going to be ever so uncharitable. There were other places nearby serving Christmas lunch and I had a terrible suspicion that it would have been easy for Retox to buy in Christmas fare, that is go down the road and bring back all those cold foods which certainly weren’t warmed up on the spot.

“Well,” I said as we left, “we’ll just have to splash out next year and get a good Christmas dinner!”

Financially-compromised Roy nodded in glum agreement.

Of course, I know that Retox is famous for its economic breakfast (under 100 baht) which judging by the punters is still extremely popular. There is, of course, good food and bad food. You have the choice but on occasions to put back rashers, sausage, beans, black pud, fried bread, two eggs, toast, one sachet of black sauce, yep, just one, is most people’s choice, mine included, though I don’t feel good afterwards. (Old man near death’s door!)

      However, next year, I will remember, and won’t be seen anywhere near Retox’s Christmas lunch.

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